Like your family probably does, the Hobbins family has a few traditions that have brought great joy and benefits over the years. One tradition I would like to share with you has to do with birthdays. In our family, most of our traditions have to do with food, and celebrating a birthday is no exception! Typically, on their birthday, each of our children chooses his or her favorite affordable restaurant to enjoy this special birthday dinner with the entire family. However, our family birthday tradition goes a little bit deeper than just the meal. At some point during the restaurant meal, we conduct what we call a “strength group.” During this strength group, each person at dinner gets to share one trait they admire about the brother or sister being honored. Besides naming a trait, the ‘presenter’ also states an expression of love or friendship toward the birthday honoree.
Our family has been doing this exercise for many years, but not too long ago the real impact of this tradition was brought to light for me in an unusual way. On the car ride to the restaurant, one of our daughters mentioned to me that she did not want to do the ‘dad thing,’ where people say, “all those things about you.” She was feeling less confident than usual, and perhaps was feeling undeserving or fearful of her family’s expression. I encouraged her to allow us to honor her, but emphasized that if she didn’t want me to initiate that experience, I would honor that request. Later on, as we sat at dinner discussing typical family things, our daughter leaned over to me and said, “Dad, it’s ok if you do ‘that dad thing.’ ” I smiled at her. A few minutes later I asked for everyone’s attention and said, “It’s now time to take our turn sharing with our lovely birthday girl the one thing each of us admires about her.” As we each took our turn going around the table, I could see that our daughter’s heart was touched deeply as she listened to each of her sisters and brothers share sincere and meaningful expressions of love and admiration. Tears welled in her eyes as she was overwhelmed with these sweet and sincere expressions. A heart was healed… and confidence replaced fear.
I thought about this all evening as this family tradition and my daughter’s reactions touched my heart deeply as well. No matter what age we are, we all enjoy hearing sincere appreciation and something positive about ourselves. I look back across those early family years until now and see how after fifteen or twenty years each child has had imprinted something positive and meaningful into their mind and heart, reinforced by siblings and parents. While we have made our share of mistakes, this is one tradition that has become an institution in our home and among my children’s friends as well. If you are ever around us and we are celebrating your birthday, watch out, because you might be embarrassed by the positive things we may say about you!
Every child and certainly every parent needs frequent opportunities to both express and receive love and praise. I encourage you to look for times when you can all gather together and take turns saying something positive and loving about one another. It is immensely satisfying: a healing and unifying effort.
FamilyIQ has some wonderful information about family traditions, see the free course:
Unifying Your Family: Make Your Coat of Arms
Article: Celebrating as Families
About Mark Hobbins
For more than 20 years, Mark has helped families whose children had gone too far down the road of self-defeating and even self-destructive behaviors -- families who needed intervention to rescue the child and heal the family. Mark created FamilyIQ with the mission of prevention, of building stronger, and more fulfilling families today.
Mark Hobbins has enjoyed an illustrious career in mental health and therapeutic education. He is a co-founder of the Aspen Education Group and is a past member of the Colleague Panel for the Council on Accreditation of Services to Families and Children. He is a consulting expert for numerous media outlets including CBS, NBC, ABC, People Magazine, Wall Street Journal, Forbes, LA Times, and the NY Times. He has consulted with and appeared on various television shows throughout the world including BRAT CAMP, Britain‘s Youngest Boozers, Tyra Banks and Dr. Phil shows. Mark has authored and co-authored many articles, courses and workbooks.
Mark is the husband of Diane and the father of seven wonderful children (and a grandfather as well!)
Mark Hobbins can come to YOUR area and present a 45-60 minute seminar on parenting and relationships. Some of the topics covered are ‘The Teenage Brain,‘ ‘Setting Effective Limits with Your Children,‘ ‘The Love Language,‘ ‘What is Your Parenting Style?‘ To request Mark Hobbins as a speaker or keynote presenter, please call FamilyIQ 949-709-1120 or 888-326-5947 x102 or send email to slandes@familyiq.com.
Helpful Links:
Twitter Facebook FamilyIQ
